I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
