morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
