i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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