so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
