making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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