I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
