I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
