Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
