My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
its liver damage thursday
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
