His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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