That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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