My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
