There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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