I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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