the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
