Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
