john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
