I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
