Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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