after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
PANTIES FOUND
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