we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
