OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
