Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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