i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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