She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
