bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
