i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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