someone threw a dead crab at me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
