hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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