Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
