What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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