Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
