i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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