I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
