Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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