I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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