I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize