You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
