I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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