I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
