The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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