After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
