Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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