I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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