Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
