Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
