This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
