remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
