Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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