This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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