i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
