If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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