naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
