So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
