Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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