2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
