THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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