You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
