so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
