Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
