If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
BRING THE BAGELS
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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