I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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