Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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