Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
