The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
honey bunches of taint.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
