i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
