I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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