I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
