my mouth tastes like poor choices
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
farters have to be the big spoon...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
