I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
