she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
