ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
