Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
