THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Houston, we have a squirter
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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