But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
