I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
zippers are such a cool invention
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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