If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
