Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize