We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
