you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
