I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
