If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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