Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I will be naked everywhere
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
